As humankind continues to navigate a global pandemic, a little human named Oaklyn has no idea she turned 5 months, then 6 months, then 7 months and now 8 months old, during the age of Coronavirus. But, my husband Lateef and I feel pretty damn lucky to have this family time together with our daughter. 

Looking back, Blooma played such a treasured role in my journey toward motherhood, and continues to be a presence, moving forward.

Time has a funny way of passing. It was about 8 months ago (about the same amount of time we’ve seen this amazing little girl’s eyes) when my husband and I were sitting in our Blooma Birth Classes. The penultimate class, gave me the ultimate experience, really. A couple came in to share their birth story. 

It’s a wonder Blooma coordinates this. It changed my perspective and expectations on what was soon to come: Giving birth to our daughter, and the extremely intense couple of weeks that would follow. The Blooma mom and dad shared their journey. The message I took away: Do what’s best for your baby, yourself and your family — not someone else’s. Go ahead and read that again. Easier said than done during a fragile time.

Even though my job is public, I’m a private person. Though, when Blooma asked Lateef and I to share our birth story to a class several months ago, my gut spoke to me. I knew that if even one mom-to-be got out of the experience what I did from the inspirational Blooma couple that spoke to us, it was meant to be. I’m so happy we did it.

After that, Blooma asked if I’d consider writing a blog post about my birthing experience. It took me a while to get comfortable with the idea, and again I’m trusting my gut: If my journey will bring even a glimmer of tranquility to another new mom during the pre- and post-natal days of her journey, during which you can feel so unsure, it’s worth it.

Lateef was by my side on the morning of October 31st, just as he was with all of my doctor appointments. Our “guess date” (as Blooma so appropriately has us call it) was November 2nd. That morning, my doctor did some tests and recommended we go home, relax, get our stuff … and head to the hospital in a few hours! It was best that our daughter Oaklyn come into into the world via a Cesarian section, and very soon. My husband and I held hands, tightly. We decided, whatever was best for our baby, we were on board. 

I didn’t imagine I’d have a C-section and (and this is key) I didn’t realize having one could be such an incredibly beautiful birthing experience. I know many women who’ve had C-sections, but, for whatever reason, I don’t recall someone describing the beauty of her journey with it. 

I was so calmed by my nurse’s tenderness during pre-op at the hospital, I asked her if she always wanted to be a nurse, because she made me feel so comfortable and so cared for, in such an uncharted time in my life. She and my husband held my hand literally and figuratively through the whole process.

The OBGYN doing my C-section wasn’t going to be my usual doc, which made me feel a whole bunch of different feelings inside — none of them good! But, they weren’t lying when they said they had a great team, and I’d be in good hands. Her humor, steadiness and down-to-earth confidence — calmed and reassured my husband and I in a profound way. 

The anesthesiologist was warm, kind and talkative. He had an ability to make me breathe, take it all in, stay in the moment, and let any fear fall by the wayside. To all of the people who’ve said anesthesiologists are dull, I’m breaking the news to you, you’re wrong! 

I must say, the nurse anesthetist was my secondary right-hand woman. My husband holds the top spot, for sure. Blooma is incredible about supporting new dad’s on their journey, too. I’ll never forget it: Lateef’s face was directly by mine on my left side, and hers was on my right. In between Lateef’s comforting and motivating words, she was gently in my face, making sure I was in the game. 

I’ll never forget seeing Oaklyn for the first time.

My breath was taken away, in a way I’d never experienced. I heard Lateef and my amazing medical team saying, “Look! She’s reaching out for you! Go ahead and touch her!” I learned in one of our Blooma Birthing Classes that a clear (versus opaque) draping was one of the options family’s can now choose to have during C-sections. It allows you to see your baby come into the world. So Oaklyn and I touched hands, our fingers stretched wide, through a clear draping, both of us in tears. I was crying a loving cry, I’d never cried before.

Blooma taught me a lot about skin-to-skin contact after giving birth, and how I could try to make sure those wishes were granted, should I want that to be part of my birthing journey. It was a golden moment, to connect with Oaklyn in that way. I couldn’t believe it. 

We had a brief scare. As the medical team took Oaklyn to another part of the operating room, I remember turning my head away from her and Lateef, slowly closing my eyes, and silently saying a very simple prayer: A prayer for strength. Oaklyn’s name, in part, means strength. 

The next few days in the hospital tried my strength. 

It began with much joy. My regular OBGYN came to see us, which was the best surprise, after being with Lateef and I through the entire pregnancy. And, my parents got to meet their newest grandchild, and their first granddaughter.

But then, much shifted.

Just as I never imagined having a C-section, I never imagined NOT breast feeding. What I learned in my Blooma Birthing Classes about breastfeeding, was a helpful launching point for this tough road. Oaklyn and I did great with breast feeding in the first several hours. And then, well, it simply wasn’t really working anymore. Neither was pumping. 

Combine that, with 2 migraines, extreme pain from the C-section, vomiting and an emotional breakdown, and we were on a wild ride.

I remember during the breakdown a nurse at one point asking me, “Why are you crying?” And I replied, loudly, “I don’t know!” All I did know, was I was in so much pain I was struggling to care for Oaklyn. Thank goodness for the integrative medicine specialist who they got to help me. 

I couldn’t have made it through the first 24 hours at home without my husband and parents. I got a 3rd migraine. And, my body simply couldn’t handle the pain meds for the C-section anymore. I cried tears of gratitude the next morning, thanking my mom and dad for helping keep us afloat.

An in-home nurse came to visit me. Then, nearly every day, for the next couple of weeks, we went to a lactation consultant that was quite a drive from our home. She was one of the most caring medical professionals we’ve ever met. The lactation consultant did everything she could to help make breast feeding and pumping work for Oaklyn and me. One of Lateef’s extraordinarily loving relatives, who’s a lactation consultant out East, did the same, even staying up with me late at night on FaceTime trying to help. No matter what we tried, breast feeding wasn’t working like it did in those initial hours after birth, and I wasn’t able to pump anywhere close to what my daughter needed.

My husband could see my deep struggle — a physical and emotional struggle — and he told me something I’ll always hold dear: “I don’t think of you as any less of a woman, or any less of a mother, if it doesn’t work to breast feed.” 

I’m the luckiest lady. Lateef shows me so much love, even when I’m not at my best. 

My husband said I was stronger than I realized at the time. “You’re the only person standing in your way. The only person you’re battling is yourself.”

So, I decided to make a change. I stopped breast feeding and pumping. (To my surprise, Oaklyn’s pediatrician was 100% supportive and my OBGYN said she was so proud of me.) It was a change that allowed me to show our daughter even more love. 

It was a decision that was best for Oaklyn, for me and for my family. 

A full circle moment: The Blooma couple’s message, that so strongly spoke to me, was revealing itself in my journey. 

For a moment, I’ll circle back … 

My Blooma Birthing Classes instilled in me a lot about personal empowerment. They taught me about what questions to ask during my pre-natal, birthing and post-natal experiences — and how to push back if necessary. I still don’t know how to adequately thank my medical team for creating such a cozy and sacred space for me to live out my birthing experience.

Another meaningful part of my motherhood journey: Blooma Prenatal Yoga. I’d walk out of each class with happy tears, slowly streaming down my face, because the experience was so powerful. The Blooma instructor, her music, her messages: They all taught me to trust my body differently. I learned new ways to acknowledge challenges for what they are, stay centered amidst them, and how to move through them without losing sight of my purpose.

For me, my purpose as a mother, is to allow the amazing human being my husband and I brought into the world, to experience the feeling of a whole lot of love.