Friends, people, Blooma community. Who out there suffers from pregnancy sickness? I’m not talking feeling-ick-in-the-morning. I’m not referring to the hangover-like fog some people experience. I’m talking truly ill, vomiting, in bed with pregnancy. 

I’m on my fourth pregnancy and it’s been a gradation of symptoms for me. During my first pregnancy, I was teaching special education in a middle school. I once puked into a trashcan in my office and I hurried home to the couch after long, post-school IEP meetings, but life mostly carried on as normal during this pregnancy.

I remember feeling sicker during my second pregnancy, but still spent the majority of my first trimester on my feet. I was teaching classes at Blooma by then. There was more vomiting, more pronounced ick, but I felt a lot better as I got into my second trimester.

By the third pregnancy, things were different. I was much sicker. I would vomit early in the morning and it would continue all day. All foods, even my favorite things, didn’t appeal to me. I could keep some food and water down, but only by sheer will and by laying very still while digesting. It felt like work to simply exist in my body while pregnant. 

All other things in life stopped during this time. I wasn’t in contact with friends. I wasn’t working much. I didn’t do stuff for fun. I was in bed, trying to sleep through extreme nausea.

Unfortunately, this lasted until about midway through the pregnancy, which was rough. Friends and family were surprised when I didn’t start to feel better at twelve weeks. I was, too. I was very disappointed. I felt like I was letting my older two kids down by spending so much time in bed. It was hard on my marriage. It was very hard on my mental health to be so sick.

When we were surprised by a fourth pregnancy, you can imagine my trepidation. Our third baby was only eight months old. Still so little! And I was not ready to go through all that pregnancy entails, for me, again. But here we were.

It’s hard because pregnancy is a gift, right? And we should feel grateful for gifts, right? Pregnancy is beautiful and sacred in so many overly-explained and unexplainable ways. On the other hand, pregnancy is also complicated and scary. Pregnancy means not having autonomy over your body in the ways you normally do for many months (many, many months if you’re chestfeeding after gestation). Pregnancy means a huge loss of control and being faced with lots of physical limitations. Like most wonderful, extraordinary, meaningful parts of life, pregnancy is many things rolled into one.

Pregnancy has given me a huge respect for people who are chronically ill. Being in bed for several days is depressing. It is disorienting. When you emerge from bed, finally, still feeling fragile, life seems strange and overwhelming. Although it feels like pregnancy lasts a long time, especially when minutes are slowly ticking by in bed, I was very aware that this would end at some point. At some stage, I would feel better and return to feeling like my old self, even if that time was after delivering the baby. People with chronic illness and chronic pain don’t always have the kindness of an eventual end date to their discomfort. 

I share my experience with pregnancy because it’s quite common for people to feel super sick during pregnancy. I’m here to say if you’re feeling very sick, you’re not alone! I also wanted to share some of the ways I have coped with my being so sick during this fourth pregnancy, in hopes it might help someone else out there. I don’t think there are any “hacks.” Trust me, I’ve scoured the web, but there were some things that *helped* me get through long, sick days. If you’re suffering in this way, maybe they’ll help you, too.

First, try some ginger tea – JUST KIDDING. We’re way beyond that. First, get cozy. I tried to treat these weeks almost as I would postpartum, but like, an unfun postpartum. I cued up all the shows, movies, and audiobooks that bring me comfort. (I suggest audiobooks specifically because sometimes watching TV made me more nauseous and audiobooks provide a mental escape when I couldn’t even crack my eyelids open.) Maybe get some new pillows or dig out some comfy jams. Anything to bring a sense of peace and snuggliness to your sick space.

Second, of course, as always, please work with your healthcare team, but I found a loose schedule for eating and drinking helped keep my blood sugar at the right levels. If left to my own devices, I would not have eaten or drank much, which would have made me more sick. I’d make or ask for a cup of tea every hour. Have a small, high protein snack every hour. Sometimes it would take a whole hour to eat the snack, but I knew I was eating and drinking enough with these reminders and that was one less thing to worry about.

Third, find and organize all the help. All of it. Hopefully you can find extra childcare if you have older kiddos. Explain to your partner what you need. It is hard to ask for help. It’s hard to accept how shitty you feel, but if you need support you should ask for it, if it’s available to you. 

This might also mean changing your home routine a little or a lot. Sittervising (thanks @busytoddler instagram) your older children while you relax on a chair near a barf bin. Ordering groceries or meals. Asking for help with laundry or other chores. Fewer errands. More laying and sitting. Finding ways to pare down your schedule to allow for the most rest possible.

Fourth, this might be slightly controversial, but at some point, I needed to just let myself be sick. I’d spend time trying to dial in medicines, frantically on the phone with nurses, schlepping to the co-op, trying to figure out the magical concoction of food, medicines, and sleep to cope and then it became clear to me: I was just really sick and I needed to rest. That was it. Instead of trying to crack the sick-code and failing, which left me feeling more disappointed, I tried to lean into what was actually happening, which was being sick. Sometimes you can’t do anything other than sleep and rest.

Fifth, find a friend who’s been through it. (S/o Blooma teacher, Kari!) It’s so important to feel validated and heard. There are lots of Facebook groups and internet forums that can connect you with other pregnancy sick people and Blooma is a wonderful spot to find friends from all walks of pregnancy life. Perhaps join Blooma’s Pregnancy Centering group and share your experiences. There were afternoons that I soaked my pillow through with tears and the only thing that brought a bit of relief was sending a run-on sentence text to a friend who just got it and who reflected back that it was really hard.

One of the beautiful things about pregnancy is that you’re creating more life. You’re growing life! It takes space and hard work and for some people, it makes us crazy sick! If you’re one of these people, I hope you give yourself a quiet moment and a gentle mental hug. You don’t have to love everything about pregnancy. You don’t have to have a photoshoot and a party. It isn’t pretty and lovely for a lot of us. For some of us, the best day of pregnancy is the day we give birth and that’s ok!