Congratulations! You’ve had your baby and became a parent for the first time or subsequent time, and you’re feeling ready and raring to get back to your sex life with your partner. Or, maybe you’re feeling pressure from societal norms, your partner, yourself, with some fear or apprehension of what sex will feel like after giving birth. Or, you can’t even imagine having sex, let alone pleasurable sex, after giving birth, and are researching modern-day chastity belts.
All are very normal thoughts in postpartum, and you are not alone in navigating sex after baby. We’ve got tips set to classic songs to set the mood and help make your return to your sex life comfortable, fun and enjoyable! Psst, many moms say their sex life is even better after baby(s), as they feel more intensity and connection to their partner.
Give Me Time
The six week checkup marker is often the bare minimum for any sexual activity, especially after giving birth for the first time, vaginally or via cesarean. If you’re feeling any pain, soreness or discomfort, make sure to bring this up to your doctor or midwife during your checkup. If you are experiencing continued pain, leaking, bowel issues or other concerning symptoms, we recommend seeking support from a pelvic floor physical therapist.
Keep your partner in the loop on your healing and how you’re feeling about sex. It may be helpful for both of you to know you just experienced the biggest hormonal drop of your life after giving birth, and it takes time, mutual effort and intimacy, to get your groove back. If you feel confused as to where or how to start connecting intimately again, having a third party like a therapist (traditional talk therapy, a relationship specialist, or sex therapist) might be a great addition to your communication care plan. A professional in the field can help you define what feels right in this phase of your life, what your intention around intimacy is, and help build confidence to navigate this new territory together.
Six weeks postpartum is also a good time to discuss birth control options with your partner and provider. Exclusively breastfeeding until your baby is six months old, or until you get your first period, is 98% effective in preventing pregnancy, and you can talk to your provider about returning to your prior method of birth control, and exploring new options.
Talk (Dirty) To Me
Talking with your partner gets both of you on the same page of when and what you’re comfortable with in your postpartum period. Your partner is likely in awe of you after watching you give birth to your child, and sharing any doubts or fears about how sex will feel now, changes in your body, and things on your mind that are getting in the way of feeling sexy and ready for intimacy will help you come up with a plan that makes you both comfortable and heard.
This is also a great time to ask your partner to buy lube if you don’t have it on hand. Dryness is incredibly common in postpartum as your hormones are busy working to produce milk and regulate. You can also talk about your preferences and requests, like lots of foreplay, to make sure a good time is had by all.
Take My Breath Away
Intimacy can look like a lot of different things, and working up to penetrative sex can have a number of romantic and fun stops along the way. In the first weeks of postpartum, simply snuggling with your partner is a special way of connecting just the two of you since your baby arrived. After your six week checkup and if you’re feeling ready, back rubs, getting a little handsy, or anything else are a great step in getting back to your love life.
Let’s Get It On
When sex feels like an enthusiastic YES!, let your partner know! They will likely be thrilled, and help you to get in the mood. This can look like prioritizing sleep for you the night before or a daytime nap, giving you time to take a bath, and helping get your baby to sleep so the two of you can connect.
Let your partner know what feels good and if anything causes discomfort. Laughing and a little fumbling around is very much the norm, and even if the first time isn’t fireworks, you can view it as a milestone crossed, with even more satisfying adventures ahead. And just remember, when in doubt, Frankie says RELAX.
-Katie Vance, Owner
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